Dark side of the moonstruck boy

I don’t do much of it, the pause-and-reflect thing, not too often anyways.

When I look back, at this point of time in life, I wonder if that statement is true. Firstly, I realize I have always been the impulsive kinds. After all, when everybody says one must think and act and you know you’ve been a bum – act, and then sit and think. some call them the intuitive kind. Either ways, I know how it works. I have literally been that way – just do, and do mindless things at that. There is something about the extremes, some kick it has got, though most people profess moderation – it is ‘good’ they say. But the extreme, is breathtaking, and oh so close to ‘doom’ at the same time. It is like you’re swerving down this mountain road, you look down a fraction and you sneak a peak of the gorge, right below your foot, you don’t fret, you just ride on, it is almost instinctive, being on the road.

"the secret of climbing" , said japhy, “is like zen. don’t think. Just dance along. It’s the easiest thing in the world, actually easier than walking on flat ground which is monotonous. the cute little problems present themselves at each step yet you never hesitate and you find yourself on some other boulder you picked out for no special reason at all, just like zen."
- The Dharma Bums, Jack Kerouac.

Secondly, and contrarily, the process of growing up brought with it its share of experiences that left those shards in the memory, and with them, increasing amounts of time dwelling on past events, trying hard to learn from them. the memory is short by nature, and so it has resulted in falling, and multiple times at that. But then there are those things in life, those ‘experiences’ so to say, that one wouldn’t want to divulge with anybody, for whatever reasons.

Que toutes nos pensées soient telles que si on te demandait à toutinstant ce que tu penses tu puisses toujours l'avouer sans honte.
May all our thoughts be such that if one asks you at any moment what you arethinking you can always admit it without shame.
- Marcus Aurelius

At times, I wonder if there at all is any redemption, other than to calm the mind, in an attempt to gradually disengage it from the process of weighing options – the ones taken, and the ones that present themselves for the future – and eventually silence it, literally.

Have you ever pondered if you have had those moments that you wouldn’t want to divulge with, even with your most loved ones? Especially with them, in fact, simply because we are afraid we might ‘fall’, in their eyes, and they might just stop loving us?

The doing, the efforts have always been, sloppy, at the most.
But when the intentions come under question, it is another thing.
And when the questions are posed by that twin, residing somewhere in the recess of the mind, it is hell fire.

This festival, may the darkness even in the unfathomable depths of the mind be dispelled by the rows of lamps dedicated to universal the spirit.
May all those innate tendencies of the mind that pull us towards regression burn in the fire.
And, may goodness emerge.